Celebrity Carding: Valentines Top 5

It’s a conversation every couple has to have at some point: The Top 5 List. Meaning, if you could give it up to 5 celebs guilt-free, who would they be? Now folks, we’re not talking nookie, because we keep it clean here at FP, but we mean something just as special—letterpress love, baby! And while we would give Andy and Justin all the valentines in the world if we could, there are a few exceptions for who could get their hands on our paper goods.

Here’s my Top V-Day Card 5 list (in no particular order):

Andy Samberg

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It’s no secret, I’m a sucker for the funny. If you can make me laugh, then you can most certainly make me pancakes in the morning. Of course, the obvi choice here for my SNL honey would be this card, but his oddball and often Wahlberg-based sense of funny makes me do a full on belly laugh, which makes me want more than pancakes with my breakfast—something hearty and salted, like bacon, and even though I love me some pork products, I think I could love Andy Samberg even more.

Jason Stackhouse (played by Ryan Kwanten)

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An Aussie who can pull off a white trash Southern freak-slayer and look sexy doing it is a winner in my book. Keep up the brotherly do-gooding, Jason Stackhouse, and keep taking off that shirt. Don't know about you, but I think we’d make one neat-o bandito match.

Ryan Gosling

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This dapper young fellow is an up-and-comer on the Hollywood scene, and on my Top 5. I haven’t even seen Blue Valentine yet, but I have seen him hand out a bunch of hooded fleece onesies to everyone in Ellen’s audience, and any lover of footed couchwear can be a lover a mine. And as Ryan becomes an A-list baller, I just want to remind him to stay true to his fleeced roots and never change.

Tim Riggins (played by Taylor Kitsch)

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So I love the show Friday Night Lights. And this is where I start to feel a little creeped out by myself, because I have to admit, I also love me some high school football players. If you’ve seen the show, ladies, you know what my Tim Riggins crush is all about. If you haven’t, don’t judge until you’ve been compelled to imagine yourself riding shotgun in his beat up truck with the wind our hair and 3^rd period biology in the rear view mirror. I’d press my initials into some Crane paper with #33 anyday.

Mos Def

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Well, this one doesn’t take much explaining, does it. M-O-S-D-E-F-initely.

Lisa’s Top V-Day Card 5 (in a very particularly thought-out order):

1. Ryan Reynolds

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Ohhhh, Ryan...Will Lisa still love you on a rainy day? Can you say abs-olutely! Here’s some sunny reassurance for our hot-bodied friend—Scarlet wouldn’t know what to do with your love if it hit her in the fat pout.

2. Cristiano Ronaldo

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From Lisa herself: Yes, I know he's a douche, but he's hot. Can’t blame a girl with a thing for the soccer players. On this V-day (and any day), she’d give ole Ronnie, “You’re a manwhore but I still love you.”

3. Henry Cavill

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Lisa’s considering bumping this king’s confidant from the glorified night-soap drama The Tudors up to number 1, which I have to say is just plain smart carding. Give him props and give him some letterpress, especially since the newly-named Superman could come to her rescue at any moment and there might not be time for proper introductions between muggings.

4. Matt Damon { found via }

Even though Lisa says she would “take him now, but Borne Identity days were his best,” this honorary card goes to Mr. Damon for his laugh-rousing performance on 30 Rock as Liz Lemon’s pilot bf. She’d induct him into the mile-high club.

5. Sidney Crosby (Sans Mustache)

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Now, I don’t know anything about hockey, but I’m told by Lisa that I should know lots about this studly Penguin. And while she personally prefers Sidney zambonied, she’s willing to show full support for his superstitious mustache habits, as long as he brings the Cup home to the 'Burgh.

So on this heartfest of a day, be sure to tell your special ones how much you heart them, and then ever so gently broach the subject of who you have the permission to hand out your letterpress love to.

Happy get some day, everybody!
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